Oh MY God!

Such an underwhelming phrase these days, isn’t it?  You can’t hear this without conjuring up a bubblegum teenager whining “O.M.G.” about a relatively meaningless Instagram post.  Just a simple change in where the emphasis is placed changes the whole magnitude of what was just uttered.  Go ahead, say it out loud with the emphasis on my.  Changes things, doesn’t it?  Things become real very quick that way, don’t they?  Below is how I had my first real encounter with my God in the wilderness of the Colorado Rockies.  (FYI, all names used have been changed to keep the identity private of anyone mentioned).

You may remember the lemonade….if not, read “Staying Flexible”, my last blog post.  In it, I referred to the opportunity to engage in the Outdoor Christian Leadership program through Revelation Wilderness (RevWild), a part of Revelation Wellness (RevWell).  I was purposeful in portraying the circumstances of time and means for me to attend this training as God’s orchestration.  It’s the only way this could have all happened… way more than just me taking advantage of an opportunity. 

Well, after 9 weeks of spiritual, mental and physical preparation guided by the RevWild, the date had arrived to me to hop on a plane from Indianapolis to Denver.  I would be meeting 55 participants and 14 leaders from across the nation, who had themselves just arrived in Denver, at the airport.  All we knew is that we would be bused to Noah’s Ark rafting and backpacking headquarters in Beuna Vista, CO, and would soon embark on a five-night physical and spiritual journey in very big country.

Upon arrival at the airport, I picked up my checked backpacking bag stuffed with the week’s gear and headed to meet the rest of the gang.  Having been out of work, with family, I have really had no experience socializing, meeting, or conducting “business as normal” with a mask on.  This certainly added to the anxiety of meeting and introducing myself to a large group of strangers.  And it was very odd, however, armed with the awareness that it was the same for everyone else, I was able to feed off the excitement I saw in everyone else’s eyes.   I quickly made friends with Josh, my prayer partner who was “randomly” assigned to me months ago.  Through our initial emails, he informed me that he and his wife had decided to take their family of six on an adventure by selling their house and possessions in order to travel the country for the next year while working remotely.  Ummm…. Sound familiar?  We did not divulge any more than our names and addresses when signing up for this program, and out of 60 (at the time) other participants, Josh and I were just randomly assigned partners?  Yeah, God certainly had his hands in every aspect of this experience, which felt electric!

So, Josh and I used each other to break into the small talk with other individuals awaiting the arrival of the transport buses.  I could tell some folks were absolutely ready for the challenge, and some where doing their best to not look so much like deer in headlights.  Yet every single person quickly conveyed their excitement and firm belief in the fact that God was going to take us through a cool experience. 

As is the case in any group, some people talk more than others, and I just so happened to sit across the bus isle from one of those that is not afraid to share.  He is a gentleman from North Carolina, whom I found extremely interesting.  Often, I will get anxious when people are talking to me with little space to contemplate or respond, especially those I don’t really know.  However, this time, I allowed myself to sit in a space of comfort and just let it roll.  You see, this is one scenario I was anxious about, yet prayed for before the trip about.  I felt no matter my preconceptions, every aspect of this trip was put in order by God and was important.  So I allowed the southern drawl to continue, and began to like it.  Not, just because it is fun to hear an accent, but the way this guy talked about his faith.  I could tell he had lived a couple lifetimes already (which we came to find out he had through careful sharing and testimony during the week), yet he spoke about prophetic pictures and experiences he had received from God.  He referred to God as his father whom he would walk, talk, and fast with!

I have had friends and acquaintances who would use this language in reference to their God in the past, however, I also know not everyone audibly hears God’s voice.  I thought that was me, one to perceive God’s work in my life through acknowledging “more than consequences” or powerful urges, guidance in my life.  Or, maybe I have never been “spiritual enough” to actually hear God.  This was another repeated prayer of mine prior to the trip; that God would allow me to open up to Him fully and he would show Himself more clearly to me.  And here was this South Carolinian unabashedly showing me what is possible through casual (to him) conversation. 

We arrived at our basecamp after the 2.5 hour drive through progressively more mountainous terrain with heavy pine and clean air.  Oh, how refreshing that alone was! Noah’s Ark headquarters is located just outside Beuna Vista, CO on the Arkansas River surrounded by the highest collection (in proximity) of 14,000ft peaks.  However, it was made known that we were not there to “bag a few peaks”.  We would each be challenged in his or her own way, but it was the refreshment of spending time and studying God through the wilderness that we were called to do on this trip.  Around dinner time, we were handed our “welcome gift”.  A bag with some great Revelation Wellness shwag, including a water bottle.  Again, these bags were pretty much handed out at random amongst our new teammates.  We were told that in the water bottle, a piece of paper with one word was in it.  These words were prayed over before written, then prayed over that they would reach the correct individual.  In my bottle, I found the word “peace” – exactly what I had prayed I would find on this trip! The rest of the evening, we enjoyed great community through food worship and study in as large of groups as current Covid regulations would allow for the last time before hitting the trails the next day.

We also spent time getting to know the eight participants, two Christian outdoor leaders, and two back-country guides (from Noah’s) that we would be living with for the next 4 days.  We were a very healthy collection of all skill types, wilderness experience, age and background.  This combined with finding out what our next day’s hike would entail admittedly disappointed me.  You see, selfishly I had pushed myself on our tracked and reported training hikes.  I wanted to be with the most bada@$$ group that would take my capabilities to the absolute brink of comfort.  I thought this is what it would take to break down my exteriors and allow me to be open to God’s true presence.  I did recognize this prior to the trip and prayed earnestly God would put me with the group that need me and that I needed. Turns out He did just this and I was with the most bad@$$ group!  Team E, or we called ourselves, Team Echo!

After packing our bags with our gear and sleep systems, water, community gear and food supplied by Noahs (which was actually real food, mostly prepared ahead of time, not dehydrated meals), our packs weighed an estimated 45-50#.  We were bused to the trailhead where we began out backcountry adventure.  The backpacking guides were a fresh collegiate graduate, bold female and a joyful senior in college male.  They did not hesitate to share their knowledge from the beginning regarding safety, wildlife and technique as well as their openness to get to know us as individuals.  They let us know that we were going to complete 3.2 miles with approximately 1,000 feet of elevation gain to our camp for the next few days at around 11,000ft. 

Again, I took in this news and figured, in my mind, because of a lunch stop and unaccustomed elevation, we could get it done in around 2.5 hours, on the slow side.  Boy was I wrong!  And it was good!  A few individuals, more out of their element than I had initially gathered, began to break down rather quickly.  This came an initial surprise to me, but opened a huge door.  I was able to completely take my time and found myself rather comfortably allowing myself to walk beside, encourage, provide tips and distractions from my experiences.  It was so enjoyable!  Little did I know, that I was actually being used as a tool for these individuals through God.  Each person I walked besides, picked up and assisted with their gear, really needed the lesson of accepting grace, to not always carry the burdens alone – and each one made sure to speak that truth many times during our time together. 

We reached our camp at Clohesy Lake that afternoon feeling like we had already known each other for a week.  It was is a beautiful mountain lake fed by many still running snow melt springs and surrounded by gorgeous ridgelines and peaks.  After we had set up camp, we gathered around to receive our first instruction, or intention for solo time as the guides would prepare our meal that evening.  Our Christian guides prayed with us and led us in the brief instruction on how to prepare for our solo time with God.  We were to find a place alone, where we really felt like the presence of God was for us.  Then we were to just sit in quiet for as long as needed to prepare ourselves, and once ready, simply ask, “Who are you, God”.  We were then to write what came to mind and continue writing until a question popped into our mind, and just continue in that space as long as we needed.  The leaders simply suggested that if something were to happen, it would.  Should we begin and feel as though we were forcing the experience, it wasn’t truly genuine, and that is OK.  God would meet us at another time or through another means. 

This is what I was waiting, praying for in preparation for this trip.  Dusk was fast approaching, so I grabbed my layers and stuck my camp socks in my pockets (I was wearing my Tevas at the time as I ditched my hiking boots as soon as we hit camp).  I found a beautiful overlook of the lake right next to a babbling brook – this was my spot for the time.  I had my camp chair, so I sat down and just breathed… deeply.  It was great:  I had not one other obligation, distraction, worry (as I prayed prior to the trip that God allow me to separate any concerns for my family on this trip – and not once did worry for them interrupt my time).  So, relaxed, yet trembling, I asked Him, “God, who are you?”, and began writing.

The Air, your air.  Yahweh.  Your Pleasure.

 “Who am I?”

Enough.  My Light.  My son.

“Why do I still doubt?”

You don’t listen close enough.  You spoil yourself in too much of the temporary.  Spend time with Me and bring Leah with you in it.

“What can I do?  There is so much turmoil in the world right now… I need to do something!”

Start small.  Create, cause ripples and I will multiply them

               ** At this moment, an otherwise still and glassy lake started to build with multiple ripples from flies hitting the surface and fish going after them.  I saw rings of ripples on the water’s surface multiply like crazy.

“How, Lord, how do I start this for you?”

Rely on me in everything.  Study me harder.

“What should I begin to study?”

Hebrews.  Matt, I made you great.  The ugliness you feel and sin is not you.  I have so much for you.  I will show you.

“What should I do with my current situation and unknowns for my family?”

Continue on the exact steps you are currently on. Continue with more of me and not the garbage of the world, and it will be great!

And that was it.  My pen stopped moving.  Feeling somehow exhausted yet energized, clear but confused, light yet heavy, I began the trek back up the trail to camp.  It was then that I was completely humbled, and literally fell to my knees beginning to sob as I heard in my head:

Matt, Stop!  You are OK!  Your family will be OK.  You are a champion, a warrior!

When I arrived at camp, I rambled around my gear and hammock fairly aimlessly as I was still blown away.  I had two people ask if I had misplaced my sock as one person found one near the lake trail and one had found the other near camp.  All I could reply was, “Yeah, God knocked my socks off!”  He pretty much did – they fell out of my jacket pockets during those deep moments!

Darkness had already fallen at camp as we passed around our dinner for the night.  We made a fire and enjoyed continued “getting to know you questions”.  This was only night one in the backcountry, so we were in fact, just getting to know each other.  Not quite ready to share my experience, I remained pretty quiet during that time, trying to process what had occurred.  I did, however, share the abbreviated story of incense cedar and broke out some pieces I had packed to burn.  That is still a necessity for me around a campfire. 

Our joke in the mornings quickly became:  How were your naps last night?  It is difficult to sleep in the backcountry, exposed in just below 40 degree temps.  However, I remained warm in my hammock bolstered by a light down quilt, air pad, pillow, mummy bag and layers.  It was easy not to complain in the morning while remembering staring at the unencumbered celestial explosion through the trees that supported my hammock while taking in an absolutely marvelous mountain lake view.

The first morning at camp, after worship and breakfast, we met down by the lake for stretching, light yoga and another intention setting briefing.  Feeling the warm sun fully over the ridgeline, and my mind clear, I was ready for another go at this.  Again, we were instructed in the same fashion with the question to ask being: “Who do I say you are, God?”

I found a rocky shoreline where a stream was entering the lake for my solitude time.  I quieted myself and then asked the question.  I quickly recognized the forced nature of what I was writing, so I decided to rephrase the question while taking in the timeless, gigantic backdrop, feeling pretty insignificant.  I decided to rephrase the question as “Who do I tell others you are, Jesus?”.  And then a thought popped into my head – you haven’t begun reading the book of Hebrews yet.  So, I opened to the first chapter of Hebrews and read it.  Ugh… there it is.  Rather than recapping the chapter, you should read it yourself as a response the question I posed.  Dude… this is the real, real.  No doubt about it!

We met back at the shoreline for lunch and community time.  And I could no longer hold it in.  I asked to share and just laid it all out there.  I spilled it… all of it in the way of confessions, feelings of insecurity, doubt, anger, confusion, all as a backdrop for how God met me in the last 16 hours.  It felt so good – that quickly God had presented a huge piece of the peace I was seeking. 

I was the first of the week to let it out and share in that manner, yet not the last, as everyone was shook in a manner where they were able to express what God had revealed in them.  Being the first, it was moving for everyone, and with tears in her eyes, one of the Christian leaders awarded me with the first war paint.  It was a symbol of truth that we were free to award anyone with during the week.  Again, one word, symbolizing what one person saw in another.  This was written with a fat Sharpie marker on the forearm.  Mine that day was Warrior! 

Another short, yet impactful exercise we practiced that day was to take a moment and look at the scenery, beyond the obvious beauty, and come up with three words that would describe God.  We then went around the circle and stated what we had come up with by stating God you are… mine were Deep, Pleasing, Moving.  Given that God clearly states we are made in His image (can you imagine that?), we were to do the same except state our name first.  That was cool – and worth a try yourself!

Shortly after that humbling, yet whole experience, we were able to receive another gift.  Each leader, both the backpacking guides as well as the Christian guides took time to pray for us individual and humble themselves before us by washing our feet.  I pretty unique experience to say the least.  Following this, we celebrated with a icy plunge into the water.  Each on his own time, though I couldn’t wait and was the first in without looking back.  Man, I love jumping in water that causes the reflexive contraction of the diaphragm to fight for air!  Thrilling.

That evening we had some more awesome community time which involved silly games to continue to break guards down, and listened to more individual testimony.  Again, a historically anxious time for myself in the busy world I used to be wrapped up in, but here, I had nowhere to be, so it was actually a very enjoyable time. All that was required of me was to sit and listen, adding support when needed.

Over dinner we were taught map reading and trip planning.  Given our goal destination for the next day, we were to consider and plan for how much time it would take a group to hike to a certain spot.  Many factors, including weather had to be considered.  In the mountains, above the tree line, early afternoon is the most likely time to be caught unprepared by a pop up storm.  They can be fierce and dangerous, even when the weather forecast looked good leaving a few days prior.  It is suggested you get your group below timberline by 1-2pm at the latest.  That means leaving time for your hike and ascent well before then. 

We all woke at 5am, and left camp at 5:30am the next day carrying our breakfast and lunch, water and layers.  The trek was a seven mile out and back up to the continental divide with a view of Pear Lake.  Again, the challenge for me was not nearly as great as for some others, so I joyfully took up my position as encourager, tip-giver, and companion to those who needed it.  The view was stunning as was the realization of what the continental divide really is.  Where I stood, almost literally, precipitation that fell where my left foot was would end up in the Pacific, and where my right foot was would end up in the Atlantic.  Pretty cool. 

We had enough time to play around up there for an hour or so.  Some decided to go higher up the ridgeline.  Two ladies and I decided to hike down by the lake to the overlook to see the water fall that spilled and started a stream into an immense valley on the other side.  Immense is what we were after, and that is what we got.  Such an enormous country that is just a speck in God’s creation, and we but even a smaller speck standing there.  And God talked to me!

A few ominous clouds did roll in, and rain could be seen over some of the surrounding ridgelines, yet we only received a few sprinkles as we headed back into the timberline around 1pm.  Making it back to camp for lunch, we were given most of the afternoon to do as we pleased.  I took another cleansing rinse in the lake, meditated, and took an awesome, deep nap in my hammock.  Before I knew it, it was almost dinner prep time. 

That night we gathered as true friends, which is so cool considering the fact we had met as strangers only a few days ago.  We took a lot of quality time speaking truth into each other and capitalized on it through two simple ceremonies.  One was the war paint – everyone received a very powerful and meaningful word written on their forearm.  I was honored to receive another word from Josh, Brother.  We then chose spirit animals for each other by comity.   This was personally interesting for me as I had done this before, however it was always up to me to choose my spirit animal.  I have always been Osprey, four years running.  However, these people saw something different in me.  A leader, one who is stoic and doesn’t say much, but when he does everyone listens.  A leader who can sit peacefully, knowing his clan is safe under his watch… Lion.  Maybe this symbolizes a progression into a new stage of life for me?

Well after dinner and campfire talk, we all picked out quiet spots next to each other to lay on our backs and watch the night sky.  We were treated to a spectacular show, catching one of the last nights of the Perseid meter shower.  Clear as anything, we saw several large meteors and their tails streak across the crystal night sky.  Thank you, God!

Our time in the backcountry had come to an end.  We packed up camp and headed out on the trail to meet the bus at the trailhead that afternoon.  Coming off the mountain is always quicker than going up, so the trail was filled with great, friendly banter.  Recognizing one last opportunity for solitude, we were led in the final moment of intention.  We were to hike silently, with intention in our observation.  As silly as it seemed, we were to begin by noting the obvious; there is a boulder right there, a fallen tree there…and so on until God revealed something more for us in what we observed. 

So, I went for this activity as well.  I do love people, but I also love quiet.  As I walked in intention a few things beyond the obvious struck me.  One was the grove of aspen I was walking through.  Having mistaken them for birch as our trip began, one of our guides informed me they were aspen, and aspen actually grow as an organism.  Where we might see several trees, underground they are all connected as one organism.  Well these guys were showing off with their silvery leaves quickly shuttering in the wind.  It felt as though the holy spirit was clapping and cheering us on as individuals for the steps and change we had made that week. 

God also showed me the very last paintbrush flowers on the trail, and this stuck me hard.  A very good friend of mine, whom I have shared so many outdoor adventures with would comment so often how much he loved paintbrush flowers.  He would often comment this during drives or hikes in the mountains, and just let it be.  Knowing exactly why, God told me in that instant that he needed me to tell my friend that He still loves him and knows his true heart.  All by intentionally seeing a stinking flower!  Man, God is awesome!  I was able to tearfully share this with him over a phone call at the Denver airport the next day as I awaited my departing flight. 

The rest of the evening at Noah’s base camp was filled with joyful worship and debriefing, cementing the reality that what we had experienced was so very real.  Using Jesus’ example, Josh made a very impactful statement as we shared with each other our sorrow that the experience was over so quickly.  Although the mountains are a great place to be refreshed by God, it is not where he has put us to live.  We are where we are because He needs us there.  The tempo of work and retreat that Jesus lived (not culture’s idea of vacation), is one we ought to follow more closely.   

So, yeah…That happened.  Oh.. my God, that happened.  Thank you, Lord!

I will not for one second pretend to be the most spiritual, or the one with the most Bible verses memorized, or holier than you, or the one with the least amount of sin.  In fact, you are very likely more than me in all those categories.  However, I can tell you it is possible to talk with God.  Your God, Our God, Jesus.  It takes openness, willingness, intention, complete pause on everything else, and faith that He will meet you there.  This is just the opening of a door for me, and I am excited to see what He can do in me.